Some of you may have noticed that I disappeared for approximately 6 months...and the rest of you are really unobservant followers. I've been thinking up some rather spectacular reasons for why I casually ignored my blog for the duration of the summer...and winter...and some of the spring..., and in addition casually ignored the requests from dedicated readers asking why I wasn't writing. There is, or course, a perfectly simple explanation. However, I'm choosing to lie instead...
Reason #1
I fell into a coma after being pushed down a flight of stair by my evil twin. She wears jackets with large shoulder pads and looks suspiciously like Joan Collins. After I finish this blog I'm going to send her an anonymous gift of cursed garden gnomes.
Reason #2
I broke my thumbs in a freak chess incident.
Reason #3
A high profile popstar celebrity whisked me away on their private yacht with almost no prior warning, and I had to spend the subsequent months suing The Sun for publishing pictures of me topless knitting on the poop deck.
Reason #4
I ate some bad brie.
Reason #5
I ate some brownies that I later discovered to be laced with super-strength medical marijuana, and spent 6 weeks staring at my hand.
Reason #6
Breaking Bad.
Reason #7
I got locked in a walk-in freezer.
Reason #8
I ran away with the circus.
Reason #9
I joined MI5. And now I have to kill you.
Reason #10
I got a bunch of cats*.
Reason #11
I broke the world record for reciting pi to an undisclosed number of decimal places.
Reason #12
I was in a plane crash, then spent several months being chased by polar bears on a desert island with the cast of Lost.
Reason #13
Prison.
Reason #14
They tried to make me go to rehab.
Reason #15
I discovered I am seriously allergic to rain and emigrated to Tenerife.
Reason #16
I got a hot young boyfriend and spent the past 6 months attached to his....side.
Reason #17
I had a torrid affair with a roller coaster and had my stoty featured in Closer Magazine..."Freak weds machine!"
Ok, one of the above is the actual reason...feel free to pick your favourite, and possibly write some fan fiction about it!
*This is technically a 'clowder of cats'....thank you Big Bang Theory!
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